Laws of the Universe, Part One...

1. Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).
7. Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.